Sermon Introduction:

We recently started a series about the life of Abraham, a man who lived by faith and is known as the father of the Jewish people. However, today in celebration of Father’s Day, we are taking a break from that series to talk about biblical fatherhood. In honor of this special occasion, I would like to share a message about the importance of fatherhood and why it matters.

God's Word has much to say about fatherhood. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not always given these teachings the attention they are due. Look at the way fathers are depicted on television and you begin to see a trend where wise and gentle fathers like Andy Griffith and Ward Cleaver began to slowly get replaced with fathers who were foolish, lazy, dimwitted, and often easily provoked. Characters like Al Bundy, Archie Bunker, and Homer Simpson were far more likely to cause problems than solve them. Now I am not saying that a few TV shows somehow brought down the American family, but I think they reflect our culture’s changing attitudes toward the idea of fatherhood. If you just paid attention to our pop culture, you might conclude that fathers are not all that important at the end of the day. 

The reality couldn’t be any farther from the truth. Sadly, we are only starting to realize how vital fathers are because we are beginning to see the results of their absence. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 43% of children are growing up without a father in the United States. Statistics show across the board that children who grow up with fathers in the home have fewer disciplinary problems, perform better in school, are less likely to abuse substances, are less likely to become pregnant as teenagers, and are dramatically less likely to be suicidal.

Another thing that I found interesting is that, contrary to what we are often told, most men who stick around and are active in their children’s lives end up enjoying it. Polls show that 90% of involved fathers say they enjoy being a dad and consider it the most exciting thing in their life. 85% of fathers said that they feel being a dad is the best job in the world. 73% said that they didn’t even think their life really began until their first kid was born. 62% of dads are hungry for more information on how to be better dads for their kids. However, 40% of dads said they don’t believe they’re being empowered in their homes.

My goal this morning is, first and foremost, to celebrate the fathers who show up for their children but also to help those of you who are still in the thick of it to feel empowered to be the father that God called you to be. Fatherhood is a noble and wonderful calling, and if you love the Lord and are doing your best to do right by your kids, I can guarantee that you are making more of a difference than you might realize. 

We are going to begin this morning by reading two quick verses from the book of Proverbs: 

Scripture Reading:

“For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” - Proverbs 3:12

“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” - Proverbs 17:6

Opening Prayer: 

Father God, we thank you today for the fathers in this room. I know that fatherhood is a difficult and often thankless job. Some men did not have fathers of their own, and so they had to figure it all out without a role model to look up to. Others may secretly struggle with guilt that they cannot be all they want to be for their kids. Some may be here this morning having never known their earthly father, or perhaps the very idea of a father brings up some painful emotions. Father God, I pray that you would speak in all these circumstances and more. I pray that our time will be encouraging and not disheartening. I pray that it will be healing and not hurtful. Most of all, I pray that this would be for your glory and for our good, Amen. 

Introduction:

I think Proverbs 17:6, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers,” should be the end goal of any father. I think we all hope to look upon our adult children with pride and for them to look to us with love and respect, knowing that we gave them a solid foundation to be all that God made them to be. We also want to see our children bringing up children of their own in the Lord, just as we brought them up in the Lord. However, like most good things, this happy ending requires a lot of time, hard-work, and investment upfront. This is where Proverbs 3:12 comes into play.  

“For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”

Proverbs 3:12, ESV

Your translation may say “disciplines” instead of “reproves,” but in either case, the word means “to correct” or “set right.” In essence, the author of Proverbs says that God corrects us because He loves us. If God did not love us, He would let us go wherever we wanted to go and do whatever we wanted to do, but because He loves us, God will discipline us in order to keep us on the right path. 

In the same way, one of the core responsibilities of a father is to be a reflection of our heavenly father. Our role is to be the one who disciplines, trains up, reproves, corrects, and sets right our children and our household. That sounds like a big responsibility because it is a big responsibility. 

Do you want to one day live a Proverbs 17:6 life, with children that bring you glory and grandchildren that will be a crown upon your head? Then you have to do the hard work of Proverbs 3:12 and be the one who lovingly and continually steers your children back on the path of the straight and narrow. You may not feel up to the task but take comfort that you do not have to be a perfect dad to be a good dad. More than anything, children need a role model willing to teach them right from wrong and set them straight when they stray off course. You do not have to be an expert in the Christian faith to do this; you just need to be further along in your spiritual walk than your kids are. Becoming a father is a great incentive to take your own spiritual life seriously because your walk with the Lord will directly impact the spiritual development of your children. 

Discipline not Provoke:

As fathers, how should we handle our responsibility towards our children? We can start by learning what not to do.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Colossians 3:21, ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4, ESV

The Bible warns against "provoking" our children, which means treating them in a way that steers them from doing what's right. As parents, it's natural to sometimes upset and frustrate our children. Disciplining or correcting their behavior can be an unpleasant experience for both parties. However, it's important to note that there's a difference between causing occasional annoyance and pressing them towards anger and resentment. The word "provoke" (parorgizo) implies the latter - pushing someone to the point of utter exasperation and infuriation. But how do we know if we are disciplining or provoking?

The verses we just read offer valuable insight into how fathers can determine whether they are disciplining or provoking their children. Colossians 3:21 tells us that provoking our children leads them to feel “discouraged” when all is said and done, which is to say they feel disheartened or broken in spirit. This does not mean that if we hurt our children’s feelings, we have failed as a father, but rather that if the only thing that a child gets from us is negative feedback, then they might develop a negative view of themselves that prevents them from confidently becoming the person God made them to be. We do not counter that by ignoring wrong things and needing correction but by balancing our correction with love and praise. Our goal is to encourage - to put courage into our children. The goal is not to make them believe they are bad, dumb, or incapable. The goal is to teach them how to be good, to be wise, and to grow in maturity. 

Children never grow out of wanting their father’s approval, even as they grow into adulthood. One of the greatest gifts a father can give his children is his praise and approval. In the Old Testament, it was a common practice for fathers to bless their children by placing their hands on them and telling them both the good things that they see in their children and all the things that they, as fathers, hope God will do in their children’s lives as they grow up. I think that is a good practice and something we need to hear even today. Not only does this grow a child’s self-esteem and strengthen the bond between children and fathers, but it also will ensure that when it comes time for discipline and correction, your words will carry far more weight. 

Likewise, Ephesians 6:4 tells us that the opposite of provoking is “the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This reminds us that good fathers are more concerned with training up their children by the standards of God’s Word than their own personal opinions about what is best for their children. Again, this is why it is so important for fathers to take their spiritual walk seriously. Whether we like it or not, children tend to see their Heavenly Father through the lens of their earthly fathers. Let us try to give them the best image of their Heavenly Father possible.  

While I have my own dreams and desires for my child, my desires may not necessarily align with who God created them to be. My child may develop their own opinions, behaviors, or interests that may seem strange or unconventional to me. However, it's important to remember that being different is not always the same thing as being in sin. 

At the same time, we should not be overly permissive either. This is where fatherhood becomes like a balancing act. A good father will always try to correct a child who is straying from the path of righteousness. A loving father corrects and disciplines because a loving father wants what is best for their children. How this looks will differ depending on your child's age, but as long as they are under your authority, you always want to guide them toward godliness and a life of faith. 

Most Christian fathers I know are doing this to the best of their ability. It may feel like an uphill battle at times, but they show up day after day and do the work of a father as best they know how. I know many Christian fathers feel guilty about how they fall short as a father, and we all fall short. If our Heavenly Father is the standard, then we will never fully master this thing called fatherhood, but I want you to know that you are probably doing better than you think. Only good fathers take the time to worry about whether or not they are good fathers. The bad ones don’t care enough to worry about those things. Fatherhood can be a thankless job, but that does not mean it is not essential and appreciated. 

A Word For Sons and Daughters: 

Sometimes Father's Day messages can feel like we put a target on the back of dear old dad. My home church pastor used to joke every year that “If Father’s Day sermons are any indication, we should call the first day of hunting season deer day.” So I will turn attention to sons and daughters, both young and old, here today. 

The fifth commandment, as stated in Exodus 20:12, instructs us to "Honor your father and your mother." It is a clear and straightforward command that is so commonly ignored. To honor means to regard with great respect and esteem. No caveat is given to say, honor your parents if they deserve it. It is stated as bluntly as “Do not steal” and “Do not murder.” 

Jesus Himself emphasized the significance of honoring our parents:

"If you would enter life, keep the commandments… Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 

Matthew 19:17, ESV

He further warned in Matthew 15:4 that those who revile their earthly father are in sin and will be held accountable for their sins if they do not repent. Clearly, both the Old and New Testament scriptures stress the gravity of honoring our earthly fathers.

This is a harder command for some than others. In an ideal world, each of us would have had fathers who protected, instructed, and disciplined us in love. However, the sad reality is that not all fathers fulfill this role in a positive and nurturing way. Some fathers' behavior can be unhealthy and even harmful to their children. As we navigate this difficult terrain, we are faced with the question: What if my father doesn't deserve honor? 

Even when a father has behaved in hurtful ways, the Bible still calls us to show them honor. However, honoring them does not mean accepting or condoning their harmful actions. Honoring your father (or mother) does not mean obeying them if they ask you to do something sinful or dangerous. It also does not mean you have to stay in a dangerous situation. I wish that did not need to be said, but in today’s world, that is a sad reality for some. Instead, honoring them involves a transformative approach guided by forgiveness and Christlike love.

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when we have been deeply hurt by our parents' actions. Often parents are the hardest people to forgive because of the important place they hold in our lives. Yet, Jesus teaches us the importance of unlimited forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother, and Jesus responded with the idea of limitless forgiveness:

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:21-22, ESV

As recipients of God's forgiveness, we are called to extend the same grace to others, including our parents. It is ok to struggle with forgiveness, but we are always called to forgive just as Christ forgave us:

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32, ESV

If you have a strained relationship with your earthly father this morning, I encourage you to begin with prayer. Through prayer, we can turn to the Holy Spirit for guidance and strength; we can seek God's intervention, asking Him to help us show Christlike love towards our earthly father and to help us find healing and maybe reconciliation in days to come.  Even if we cannot reconcile, we can honor God by showing our fathers Christlike love by choosing to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving, reflecting the love God has poured out on us. By exemplifying healthy love, we may inspire transformation and healing in their lives. 

Maybe they will not change or aren't around to know we have forgiven them. Even so, by forgiving the past, we can break the cycle of heartache and dysfunction in our own lives. Rather than perpetuating negative patterns, we can seek healing through God's love and restoration. By becoming the father or parent our own father was not, we allow God's transformative power to fill the cracks of brokenness and bring about healing in our lives and the lives of those around us.

A Word for Fathers of Wayward Children: 

Sometimes there is heartache around Father's Day, but not because of anything the father did or did not do. I have talked to too many fathers who did their best, loved their children as best they knew how, and raised their children to walk with the Lord but no longer have a good relationship with them. If I am honest, as a father of a baby girl, that is one of my greatest fears. 

I know many who feel intense guilt or shame because they feel they must have done something wrong. Doesn't God's Word say, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6, ESV)? Yes, but sadly that is a proverb and not a promise. It is wisdom similar to saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" is sound wisdom. If you want your children to live godly lives, train them in godliness. In the same way that if you're going to avoid the doctor, you need to eat right and take care of yourself. That does not mean that diet and exercise will keep me from ever getting sick, just as that proverb does not mean that godly discipline will guarantee my child will grow up into a godly adult. 

Our children are people who will make choices in life - some good choices and some bad choices. As fathers, we build the best foundation for them to make wise choices and teach them to live wisely by God's standards to the best of our ability. Still, at the end of the day, it is their life, and they will choose how they live it. That is a hard pill to swallow. 

To you, I offer this comfort; God the Father knows your heartache. One of my favorite parables of Jesus is commonly referred to as "the prodigal son." However, I think a better title would be "the parable of the good father."

In this parable, the good father represents God the Father. Though he is good to his children, one curses his father's name and lives recklessly and sinfully in a foreign land. When the rebellious child hits what we would call "rock bottom" today, he returns to the father in desperation, believing that the father will not welcome him back as a son but might give him work so that he would not starve. To his surprise, the father sees his son while he is still a long way off and runs to him. The son is embraced by the father and given new clothes to hide his shame. The rebellious son tries to give his father his rehearsed speech about how sorry he is, but the father's concern is only that his son has come home. The older son does not understand why the father is so quick to accept this rebellious child back into his life, surely this is not an occasion for celebration? To which the father responds: 

“It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.”

Luke 15:32, ESV

The point I am making is this, God our Father knows what it is like to have his children go astray. When we travel down roads of sin and stray from the good path that God prepared for us, it breaks His heart. But notice that God the Father never stops looking for us and waiting for us to return to Him. Notice also that God the Father is always ready to welcome us back, and he removes any obstacles that might stand in the way. He does not call his rebellious son to walk back in shame but meets him on the road and embraces him. He does not call his wayward child to make some long apology before he dresses his boy and cleans him up. 

Maybe you are still looking out on the horizon and hoping your child will return to you. I encourage you - never stop praying for them, never stop reaching out, and never let them doubt that your love for them remains and your door is open for them. Others may not understand, but the father understands. Fatherhood is about sacrifice, not getting even. Fatherhood is about loving and guiding our children, even if doing so comes at a steep cost to us. This is the Father’s love for us, so let us reflect it as best we can to our own children and grandchildren. 

Conclusion: 

Ultimately there are far too many fatherhood dynamics to address in one message, but that is a testimony to the important role of fathers. It is impossible for a father not to leave an impact, and so our hope and prayer is that we leave a good one. The best way to do that is to lean heavily upon the greatest father of all, our Heavenly Father, for wisdom, strength, guidance, and forgiveness. 

As we conclude our sermon, I want to thank again the fathers and grandfathers who show up day after day to model the love of God for us. As we prepare to enter a time of decision, I want to invite anyone who wants to know more about the love of God the Father to come and talk to me down front or pull me aside after the service. Maybe like the prodigal son, you realize that it is time to stop running from your Heavenly Father, and it is now time to come home. Whatever the Holy Spirit is laying on your heart, I pray that you will respond to God’s calling today. Let us pray. 

Prayer of Decision: 

Father God, we thank you for the good fathers who work so hard to guide their children and lead their families well. We pray that you would be with those for whom Father's Day might bring up painful thoughts and memories. We thank You that You sent Your Son Jesus to be our Savior and Lord, so that we can rightly be called Children of God. Thank you for being our Heavenly Father. Bless this time of decision, we pray, Amen.